Scream-Singing The Praises Of The Black Canary Figurine

Collin writes of the latest luck of "B-list DC superheroine", the Black Canary, to get have three high end action figures released at once -- and it amuses me.

Barbie collectors recently got a high-end Black Canary figure for about $40, but the figure caused something of an uproar because of Canary's black-leather-and-fishnets attire. While the comic costume is meant to evoke something of a burlesque crimefighting kind of thing, overzealous parents decried Black Canary Barbie as a prostitute, or a participant in that most unholy of all personal practices, bondage. Never mind that most people should be aware by now that many Barbies are intended for adult collectors and are sold as such - someone just needed an excuse to be outraged.

I don't know why Barbie collectors act so damn weird about this stuff when there's not a kid in the world who collects Babs and Co. All the 'fashion dolls' are for adults, of various levels of perversity and orientations, and they have the adult price tags to prove it.

Collin continues:

Tonner's female figures are absolutely the company's strength but my love of females definitely provides a bias. Man, do I love females. While I loved Tonner's Batman, he's a very pretty man. The delicate, angelic doll look that Tonner employs fits so much easier with the female figures, which are radiant and idealized - very true to the idea behind much comic art. Apparently, superpowers make you really, really hot - unless you're being written by Grant Morrison. That guy's messed up.

I love a grown man who not only admits to playing with dolls (and action figures are dolls), but loves the erotic nature of the babes too. (OK, he doesn't quite use any erotic terms, but do I have to fill in all the dots for you?) Here's a passage wherein the collector hints at his lust more specifically:

Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies, but there must be something pretty awesome about modern fishnet technology, because I'm seeing it used everywhere, and more effectively than ever. Even DC Direct's 6" Black Canary action figure had these great fabric fishnets fixed around her legs - which is always so much more aesthetic than sculpted-on fishnets, which often end up looking like scarring from some kind of horrible waffle iron accident instead of high fashion. Canary has great fishnet stockings, and under them is a thin layer of flesh-colored fabric that covers the leg as a second stocking, and completely hides the knee joins, creating a seamless leg very effectively. And the perfect little boots? They zipper down the back. I almost wish I had some kind of weird shoe fetish, because the engineering of these is really impressive.

"Almost wish" you had a shoe fetish? Sounds like you're already there, Collin.

Personally, I'm intrigued with the metal stand holding her crotch. Now that looks like a great BDSM toy; part chastity belt, with access for forced orgasms.

I don't know a thing about the Black Canary, but I'm told that her secret weapon is a screaming head -- pretty sure that stand's got something to do with it.