Men, It's Not The Size Of Your Club But Your Willingness To Share It Which Matters

First of all, I know you've all seen this, so I'm not presenting this Giant Homer Simpson Freaks Out English Countryside as 'news'. (Shocking idea isn't it, the notion that I, a lady bent on vintage porn, historical erotica and sexual history, were to present 'news'?!)

When I first saw this image I guessed it was photoshopped -- or at best a juxtaposition of two images -- an amusing artist rendering for the Wordless Wednesday meme, or other commentary on the cultural division between the young, immature, commercial, crass US and the old, steeped-in-antiquity, classy Brits.

In a way, the article proves my point.

In merry old England, a donut proffering man in his undies is more offensive than a nude man with well-defined, slightly exaggerated genitalia.

The English -- hell, not just English folks, but pagan English folks are outraged by "this darn great eyesore" that is Homer Simpson. In the USA pagan outrage is rather the definition of the moral way, the way things should be here in our God fearing country. Pagans are the ones who would (or would be accused of) putting on grand display human nudity -- and conservatives would freak out.

In fact, the very remedy for nude artwork might be to cover it up with something else... And if a company is willing to pay the expense, well, let it be a logo! (You know, it really wouldn't take much effort to turn the Cerne Abbas Giant into Homer. With just a few additional lines the giant's penis could easily become a pair of Y-fronted undies.)

While we can only guess as to what the nude giant hillfigure means, what he stands (erect) for, most guess he is a tribute to masculinity. For hundreds of years it was custom to erect a maypole within the hillfigure (one can imagine where) and childless couples would dance to promote fertility. They say that childless couples try to get as close as they can get to the giant (being a National Trust, it's the bottom of the hill) to have blessed sex and conceive. And English girls visit the old naked man, praying not to become 'old maids.'

Which makes me think that, in all reality, Homer and the Cerne Abbas Giant are very much the same.

The giant has his great physical prowess noted in his large attributes, his two big clubs if you will. He is both hunter & provider in terms of both food and sex. He is the male virility required for species survival.

Today, Homer represents our version of male virility. He has one small hidden (beneath fat and underpants) penis -- but then we know it needn't be so large to do the trick, and as proof he has three offspring. His other club is the donut. A freakishly large donut that, as he stands there in bloody England, he is willing to share. Homer too can be counted on for our species survival.

Certainly most US girls pray they won't play Marge to their own future Homer husbands. But on the other hand, there are worse things a girl could do.

If the promotional chalk Homer could survive to be 'discovered' by scholars centuries into the future, I'm sure they'd draw similar conclusions. (At least if they had as much knowledge of us here in 2007 as we do about folks in the 17th century.) Then again, what do I know?

Well, I do know that the pop culture figure is not only more well known here in the US, but more likely to remain so than the Cerne Abbas Giant -- even if the giant has been carved into the natural chalk earth and is centuries old. After the promotional chalk has washed away, Homer the character will certainly continue to exist for us. Yet even just a year from now, the ancient "aroused, club-wielding man" likely won't even have become a trivia question.