A LuLu Of A Post

While I was away Tom Paine finished up his three-part series on Brooksie, the lovely Louise Brooks. (At the end of that part you'll see links to the first two parts.)

In this final installment Tom opened a can of worms for using the words 'tragic' and 'aging' too close together. Reading Tom as I do, I didn't make the mistake some posters did assuming him to be anti older women. But I can't help but feel the elephant in the room...

It is tragic that humans age as they do. This is especially true for women. Beauty, for all its non-conformity as far as fashion, is tied to youth, health and the ability to conceive. That's basic biology. It's so tied to this that it's true for those who do not want children and, going out on a limb here, it's still a part of non-hetero mate(ing) selection. Youth, with its supple un-lined skin and full healthy hair, signals prime health conditions -- and that is what secures the species. Screw what leads the herd; eat the weak, maimed and unhealthy stragglers at the end of it.

Yes, we are more capable of emotional and intellectual attraction 'above' that of our 'true' animal relatives. We can fall in love with and remain (happily) in love with the infertile, the sick, those minus limbs, the dying; but forgetting we are animals too means trouble. Sperm meets egg, hormones race, penis and/or nipples erect, and much of that is biology and our very own damn animal parts. Much of it is affected by youth or the loss thereof, so don't kid yourself that we humans are free from all that. It's there. It's one of the many layers in our sex onions.

As a woman, I mourn the loss of youth and what it means. Not just the attraction, not just the 'pretty,' but the reminder that I am moving from the front of the herd to the back where there is real trouble. This is why we 'higher animals' nip, suck and tuck among other things. We want to hold onto the middle for as long as we can. It's not just vanity, it's linked to survival.

And I call it a tragedy. For no matter how the other layers of our sexual onions are telling us about and directing us via romance, companionship, a swell sense of humor, and other learned or imprinted attraction methods, none of these things slows down the wrinkling of skin, the greying of hair, the slacking of bellies, bottoms and breasts. So even if our giant, wise, clever brains and affectionate, caring, pretty souls continue to increase the value of our spirits, we age in body.

I don't mind admitting that I absolutely loved my young body -- I love my body now too, but I'll admit I notice what is and isn't as taunt and firm as it once was. I loved more how I looked at 20 than I do at 40. (Where the head was at is another tale entirely.) I felt as wonderful as I looked. Losing that sucks. Losing this blush of youth means we are devalued as sex partners. Again as a woman, one who likes sex, I mourn that loss.

Which brings us, in some fashion or other, to the other discussion Tom Paine's posts prompted.

Curvaceous Dee posted on what freedom to blog, among other things, is allowed or felt when one has family. This reminded me of this bit Gracie wrote awhile ago, on why women are still not allowed to be happy sexual creatures.

On a personal level the main reason I remain the anonymous collector here is because I don't wish to invite trouble. As noted before, simply collecting this stuff puts you if not on the defense at least at the ready to defend yourself from folks who just don't understand.

My being a woman who likes nudes is 'bad' enough. As a female collector and admirer of female nudes (which I began with) means my sexuality is open to interpretation. I pretty much laugh it off but this affects others. If I am a lesbian, then what is my male husband? And while he laughs it off too (honestly, we both have a bi streak), this matter of people discussing our sexuality is a inappropriate. I don't spend half the time worrying about who is before me (and who they are or might be screwing) as those who spot my collections do. I do enjoy looking at images of nudity and sex, as well as reading about it, but pondering a person's sex life? I think it's presumptuous, rude and, like asking what another person earns in salary or wages a year, it's none of my damn business.

And then there is the matter of displaying such things in your home -- especially if you have children about. And currently this isn't a laughing matter because I know authors of erotic who have had child protective services evaluate them for such a thing. I don't want those sort of problems.

Fundamentally I am anonymous for the ease of things -- but it angers me too. Why should I have to do this? Why should I have to shield and 'protect' family and friends from such associations when nudity, sexuality, is completely natural and normal?

Being a child of the 60's (technically born in, however those first few years I was but an infant), I do believe that if you're not part of the solution you are part of the problem. So sitting back resting on my anonymity feels like I am wrong there too.

While I'd truly like the world to be free enough to sexuality as a whole, I do realize this is not so. And any battle I would pick on behalf of being part of the solution would mean I was selecting this battle as one for those I know and love as well. So I let the cool waters of unselfishness sooth the agitated heated waters of these unjust realities.

And while the above is 90% of my reasoning, there's a remaining 10%...

If y'all knew who I was in 'real life' you'd have expectations about what I should say, what I shouldn't say, and what I should have said better. Being anonymous allows me the freedom to guess and, yes, to just throw shit out here now and then. Which kinda goes back to the other 90% because then my reputation, lowered somehow say by a quick posting on my mourning beauty, would affect those I love.

And while it would suck to be considered 'sub par' on my (perceived) abilities, I could handle it -- even if it meant that on top of fading youth and beauty this loss in status means I'd really be moving from the front of the herd to the back but fast! -- but the loss of status would be much harder for my husband and kids. Who would want to be related to that dumb sex obsessed blogger?